


Hey Levi, let's try this again.

by Tazkall



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Blood, Captain Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Eventual happy ending in chapter 2, Flashbacks, Gas Mask, Hange ships it, Heavy Angst, Implied Top Levi, Levi swears a lot, Lots of tears, M/M, Self-Harm, Soft Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Soldier Eren, Violence, devils line eren mutation, eren swears a lot, hurt/some comfort, multiple reincarnation, very minor erwin/armin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:40:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29704200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tazkall/pseuds/Tazkall
Summary: Two part storyFirst part: Eren has undergone many experiments at the hands of the Lab and is now a 'monster'. He's thrusted into the care of Captain Levi of the Eldian Army who is also part of a secret group responsible for eradicating any who threaten the survival of humanity. Levi enlisted Eren's help in return for a companionship that stretches lifetimes.Second part: coming soon. Tags will be updated if needed.
Relationships: Levi Ackerman/Eren Yeager
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	Hey Levi, let's try this again.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Please PLEASE read the tags and warnings. The rating is E because of the death, swearing, self-harm, angst, etc. 
> 
> This is a two part story spanning over three different lifetimes. 
> 
> There will be a happy ending in part two but not here. If you want the happy ending then I honestly suggest you wait. There is no happiness here. 
> 
> Otherwise, I hope you enjoy.

“Erwin.” Levi starts, steel grey eyes surveying the young boy in front of him.

Erwin Smith, his commander in title, but also one of his few friends, hums already knowing what he will say.

“Erwin. I’m not a babysitter. Why is there a child in my office?” Levi sounds uninterested but Erwin would know better. His curiosity was peaked. Whose wouldn’t be? The young boy before him couldn’t be older than 11, maybe 12. He had unnatural yellow eyes and was wearing a gas mask, covering the bottom half of his face. His short brown hair was tangled and dirty and his clothes were nothing but a white hospital gown. 

“Hange rescued him from the Lab.” Erwin states and that explained a lot. Hange Zoe was undercover at the Lab, trying to gather intel on their illegal activities to shut them down. They were against humanity succeeding. The Lab needed to be destroyed but only select people even knew it  _ existed _ . 

Levi stands from his office chair and walks slowly around the desk, surveying the boy. The boy kept his eyes down, only glancing up quickly probably from curiosity. Strange. He looked...familiar. 

Levi leans against the front of his desk. “What’s your name brat?” 

The kid hunches forward and stays silent. Erwin clears his throat and hands Levi a manilla folder. “His details are in here. The Lab named him Test Subject 104.” 

“T-That’s not m-my name!” A muffled voice sounds from the boy. His body shakes and Levi leans back, setting the folder aside.

“Alright then what is your name?”

Furious gold eyes meet his and Levi holds the glare with his own. Such fire. “E-Eren! I-I knew my mother a-a long time ago. S-she named me E-Eren!” The boy declares, fists clenched. 

Eren. 

Levi frowns and steps closer. The boys head came up to his chest but he kneels anyways. He knew trauma and this boy was beyond traumatized. He cursed the Lab for their horrendous work. Manipulating human beings for their own gains. It disgusted him more than anything. 

Eren’s eyes widen and he looks down at Levi, his body relaxing slightly. “Eren. I’m going to be blunt. You seem capable or Erwin wouldn’t have brought you here. We are part of the Eldian army but me and Erwin are part of a separate, secret group. A group that wants to abolish anyone who jeopardizes the safety of innocent human beings. Do you understand?” 

Erens brows furrow and he nods but then shakes his head. “W-what does jepardiz mean?” Levi blinks. This kid….reminded him of someone. Who though?

“It basically means to put someone in danger.” Eren nods.

“Okay I understand.” 

“Good boy.” Golden eyes widen at the praise and Levi makes a mental note. “So, will you join our cause? Our group is small, four people. You would be our fifth. Are you a good fighter?” Eren looks away and Erwin coughs.

“Eren had multiple tests and injections performed on him. Hange would know--”

“I-I’m a monster. They said so. But I’m s-strong so…” Eren stutters out, fists clenching his gown. 

Okay. That was unexpected. A monster? Really? This kid? His eyes linger on the gas mask but then he stands.

“Alright. I need a good fighter. Someone who can be my backup. That is the one piece we are currently lacking.” Eren looks at him again and those gold eyes suck him in. Yellow didn’t seem like his natural color. Maybe green? What was he even thinking? 

A knock at the door relieves the silence and Armin enters, their intelligence agent. Eren tenses automatically at the new person but Armin smooths it over immediately with a soft smile and welcoming outstretched hand. 

“Hello. You must be the new member.”

Levi shifts. “That hasn’t been decided yet.” 

Eren turns to him and Levi’s hand twitches. He wanted to touch the brats' hair. “He hasn’t decided yet.”

“O-Oh! I’m so sorry!” Armin backpedals and flushes with embarrassment. Erwin chuckles earning a piercing blue glare from the shorter blonde. 

“U-um...if I don’t join?” Eren hesitantly asks and Armin takes over.

“No pressure! If you don’t want to join then I will set you up with a fake identity and you can live a normal life!” 

“Normal?” Eren mumbles under the mask and Levi wonders again what he meant by ‘monster’. 

Armin waves his hands frantically. “Ah well we would send you to a community that won’t judge on u-um appearances! It would be as normal as you could get.”

Even Levi knew that was a stretch. The kid was wearing a fucking gas mask for fucks sake. Those haven’t been seen since the chemical war 30 years ago. He stood out and not in a pleasant way. Eren seemed to think the same because he looked back at Levi then, eyes searching his, for what Levi didn’t know. He needed to read the brats file. 

“Eren, how about you show Levi and then he can make a better assessment?” Erwin offers in his fake nice voice. Erwin did kids as well as Levi did. Badly. 

Levi sighs and rolls his shoulders, tired from the days boring events and not really wanting more fucking drama in his lap. But this kid was different. He wanted to know. He felt a faint pull in his consciousness whenever he looked at Eren and it bothered him, but also didn’t at the same time. 

“Mine as well. Get all the cards out on the table now.” He says, face a blank slate as usual. When Eren hesitates Levi runs a hand through his short black hair. “Look, the people here won’t judge you. If you think you are the only monster alive then you are wrong. We are all fucking monsters.” He looks at Armin and then adds, “well maybe not Armin. He’s never actually killed someone.” 

Eren looks at him for a moment longer and then slowly reaches behind his head to undo the buckles for his mask, one strap over his ear and the other below, before dropping his hands leaving his face bare.

It wasn’t as bad as Levi imagined. Not normal by any means but not  _ bad _ . 

Erens upper and lower canines extended beyond his mouth, longer than normal and there were small scars on his face where, Levi assumes, his elongated teeth had cut him. There were also small white lines, scars, on his cheeks that looked like claw marks but Levi couldn’t be sure. 

Eren doesn’t meet his gaze but tears are streaking down those scarred cheeks and Levi moves without thinking, wiping a rough thumb over them in a completely uncharacteristic manner. He could feel Armin and Erwin watching him with wide eyes. 

“No reason to cry brat. You don’t look bad. Hell, I can use you as ‘extra insurance’ to get new cadets in line. They wouldn’t think twice about disobeying between the two of us.” Gold eyes blink up at him with hope. So fucking open with his feelings. Levi knew someone like that. When? 

“I still want you to join. Our secret group is on hold for now while we wait on Hange and no new soldiers are starting for the next three years. If you join I’ll have Armin tutor you during the day and I’ll teach you combat in the evenings.” His thumb is still running along Eren’s cheek and he pulls back quickly, instead reaching for the file. 

“Armin.” 

“Y-yes sir!” The blonde stands up straight on impulse. 

“Get Eren’s measurements and buy him some pajamas and casual clothes. Also, sparring clothes. Oh and get him some food. His growling stomach is obnoxious.” The blonde nods frantically and ushers Eren out.

“Eren.” The boy stops at the doorway. “Tell me your answer by tomorrow morning.” He nods and follows Armin out. The door shutting softly behind them. 

Erwin lets out a heavy sigh and goes to stand next to Levi as he flips open the folder. “I hate you.” Levi states and Erwin just chuckles. 

XXX

Eren gulps down the chicken noodle soup with gusto, humming between mouthfuls and making Armin laugh across the table. After measuring him, Armin had made a call for clothes and then went into the kitchen to make dinner. Eren watched, fascinated as Armin threw random ingredients into a pot. 

“You like it Eren?” 

“Mmm so good!” Eren says around a mouthful of food.

“Don’t eat with your mouth full disgusting brat.” The voice startles him and he chokes as Levi walks into the room, ladling out some soup for himself. 

Levi. Eren didn’t know what to think of the man. He was intimidating. More so than any scientist in the Lab. But also...comforting? It confused Eren. Levi was all sharp edges and harsh words but Erens cheek still burned from that man's thumb gently rubbing his tears away. He looks down, flushing and gulps down another mouthful, careful to do it quietly. 

“I got Eren’s clothes ordered. Should be here tomorrow.” Armin says as Levi sits down to Armin’s left, kitty corner to Eren. 

“Good.”

They eat in silence for a few minutes until, “Eren. Do you have any questions? Ask now.” Levi’s voice is rough and commanding and he flinches involuntarily. The scientists beat him when he asked questions. But, if he didn’t ask anything, would Levi think less of him? 

Levi continues to eat and Armin shoots him a reassuring smile before focusing on his food, leaving Eren to himself. They were so different from anyone he had met before. The scientists in the lab didn’t care what he thought. They just shot him up with random fluids and tried to make him angry so he’d transform. They wanted him to be a killing machine. The ideal soldier. One who couldn’t die and couldn’t disobey orders. 

He sets his spoon in the empty bowl slowly. He had a real opportunity here. He could be free. Armin said the community would accept him. Eren wasn’t stupid enough to think they wouldn’t still be afraid of him but it’d be  _ something _ . 

But...he looks at Levi. His short black hair and undercut were familiar. So were his piercing grey eyes. Eren had seen them before but not here. Not in this life. Where? When? He felt comforted by Levi’s presence, like he could trust the man with anything. It unsettled him but gave him hope too. Just like when he’d met Hange. She had been different just like Levi and Armin and Erwin. They were different then the rest. 

“If I join…” He finally says. “What would I be doing?” 

XXX

Three years later and Eren is standing in front of a formation of new soldiers just behind and to the right of Levi, er, Captain Levi. Between Armin’s teachings and Levi’s brutal sparring matches, Eren was more than ready for real combat. Hell, him and Levi had already gone on some secret missions to gather information, and kill bad guys, but this scenario was different. He’s only ever been around the same small group. He wasn’t ready to face normal kids his age that looked at him with horror. Because yes, that is what their faces were showing. Even with his mask on, his yellow eyes and height were abnormal. He was 15 years old and a good 6 inches taller than Levi. 

“Listen here brats.” Levi starts, commanding silence. His voice sent shivers down Eren’s spine every fucking time. 

“I am Captain Levi. This here is Eren.” He points a thumb back at Eren. “By all accounts he is my second in command. If I am not here then you will listen to him.” The soldier's eyes roam over Eren, sizing him up and he focuses on remaining tall and still, just like Levi had taught him. 

_ ‘Don’t let anyone know you are affected by them. They judge on your looks and don’t bother to look further. They aren’t worth your time brat.’ _ Levi told him one night when he had broken down crying after trying to buy groceries in the nearby market. The saleswoman had shown such repulsion at his bare face and refused to sell him anything and he had turned tail and ran. 

_ ‘Use that fear to your advantage. They have no idea what you are capable of.’ _

Eren straightens his spine more and throws an unconcerned look over the group. Several look away. 

All the soldiers here were his age or a year older and came to the army on their own volition. There was no draft going on even though the war was ramping up. The South would rather throw money and promises at young teenagers to get them tied up in a four year contract. Some were in for even longer. 

Eren couldn’t blame them. The pay was good if you didn’t mind risking your life every day. He had made his choice long ago at that first dinner. Levi had wanted a partner. Someone to back him up when shit hit the fan, someone he could trust. Eren wanted to be that person. He couldn’t explain it at the time, how he instantly knew that being with Levi was right, but now he knew. They were a great pair in combat and balanced each other out in personality. He couldn’t get any happier.

Levi explains the base's layout as he walks through the ranks. Most everyone was his height or taller but that didn’t matter at all to Levi. Eren had seen Levi take down men twice his height with his bare hands. 

They were currently stationed at Trost Base. It was the closest to the frontlines. Levi had argued for a week about getting stationed somewhere more tranquil to ease Eren into the soldier's life but he had been denied. Levi was too good a Captain to be put anywhere but at the frontlines. Eren didn’t mind. As long as he was with Levi. 

That didn’t last long.

Three months later and Eren is wondering how he could feel even more distant from Levi now than he did back home when Levi left for weeks at a time. They didn’t bunk together obviously which was the first bad sign. Second was trying to remember to call him ‘Captain’ all the time and the third which was embarrassingly the hardest, was not  _ touching _ Levi.

Back home, when he got too excited, too angry, too bloodthirsty, Levi would put his rough hands on Eren’s cheeks and smooth out the angry veins that pop up on his face when he transforms. He would murmur softly, put his forehead against Eren’s and just stand there, not caring how ugly Eren looked or how Eren could rip his face off in a split second. He had no fucking fear and Eren admired that more than anything. 

He had also gotten used to sleeping in Levi’s bed whether he was there or not. His scent was calming and even though he looked like an adult, Levi still treated him like a brat. But he was Levi’s brat. 

He hadn’t planned on making friends easily but no matter what approach he tried the other members of the squad avoided him. It was only during missions that they listened but the missions so far had been easy. Eren was proficient in mid-range firearms as a backup so he could keep his mask on and not smell all the blood which was his biggest trigger. He liked staying in control but it also meant he couldn’t be next to Levi fighting. 

All in all, the Trost Base was no different than the Lab. He was stared at, whispers erupted around him where he went, the food sucked and he had to constantly keep his temper in check. 

He sinks down into his bunk with a sigh. He couldn’t even eat with Levi since officers ate separately. Even though Eren was Levi’s second in command on paper he was still just a grunt and that’s what the brass looked at. 

The other guys on his team filter in laughing and talking, completely ignoring him and go to their bunks on the other side of the building. Eren was the only one isolated. 

His fists clench and unclench slowly. He wanted to talk to Levi. The talking drones on and he tries to ignore it, reaching into his pocket for his special keepsake. It was a gift from Levi and it was his rock when Levi wasn’t there and that’s why Levi had bought it for him. He fingers the flat silver wrist cuff, running a thumb over the inscription on the inside that has been branded in his mind since that day two years ago, ‘ _ keep fucking going _ ’. True Levi fashion. Had to be crude but Eren wouldn’t have it any other way. 

No matter what hardships he faced he knew Levi was in his corner. Levi, Erwin, Armin, Hange. They were his friends and he didn’t need anyone else. 

He sighs and lays down, setting the wrist cuff on the pillow next to him. He just wished they were here now. 

XXX

It’s not easy to unsettle Levi Ackermann. Almost impossible. But that morning at the Trost Base, four months into his and Eren’s contract Levi felt fucking unsettled. 

He was a light sleeper. Always had been. So when he heard the roar before the morning had even started he was up and out of his bunk in minutes. 

Eren. 

Eren’s roar. Something had set him off and it was fucking bad. 

Levi races towards the male barracks as another roar pierces the morning air. He hadn’t wanted Eren to come. He didn’t want Eren to deal with this shit, this bureaucracy and red tape that was their government. But Eren insisted. Said he wanted to be useful. 

Fucking hell, Levi wasn’t stupid. He knew the kid was attached from day one and he’d done nothing to dissuade him. It was nice okay? He had a cute kid on his heel all day every day wanting to be just like him. For once he felt like he was actually on this fucking planet for a reason that didn’t involve murdering people. To guide Eren through a wonderful life, free of hardship and pain. 

Unfortunately, Eren took after him too much. He wanted to fight, to save humanity just like Levi. To hell with whoever got in their way.

Fuck. He shouldn’t have let Eren come here. These people were fuckers, all of them. He’d kill anyone who made Eren suffer. 

The barracks door bursts open with a frontal kick and Levi stops his advancement, eyes widening slightly at the sight. 

Eren was full on transformed, holding up a soldier by the neck. Ryan. The ringleader of the team when he wasn’t around. Biggest mouth in the bunch. The rest were in a semi circle around them, eyes wide, horrified. 

Levi rolls his shoulders and steps into the room. “Eren.” He says with enough gruff to be serious. He knew Eren had been skirting around him, making sure he didn’t cross any lines, making sure he didn’t cause any trouble for Levi. And he had fucking ignored it. Ignored the signals. Of course Eren would be lonely right? He fucking slept with him at home for gods sake. 

Levi pushes it all aside. He needed to get control here. If Eren killed someone no amount of threatening from Levi would get him out of an instant execution. 

“Eren. Put him down.” He says again, stepping closer, body relaxed. He never feared Eren. No. Not even when he was spitting mad and all teeth gnashing about. Eren was Eren. The golden eyed brat that clung to him so hard he couldn’t bear to pull him off. The kid who grew so fast it felt like he was buying new clothes every other week. The kid that cried his eyes out when he accidentally nicked Levi’s cheek once when he rampaged. He’d acted like Levi was fucking dying because of him that day. 

His mouth twitches. Yes. He wasn’t afraid of Eren. Something personal had happened. That’s the only reason Eren would lose his shit. 

The room is silent as he steps closer. Ryan is flailing about, suffocating but Levi didn’t care about him. His eyes were trained on Eren’s back. 

“Eren.” He says again and this time Eren growls in response, looking over his shoulder at Levi with bright golden eyes. Good. He was in control. 

“I’m sure he deserves the treatment but killing him would give me a shit ton of paperwork. Put him down.” Eren growls again and his hand tightens around Ryan’s neck earning wails from the team looking on. 

Fuck. Not going to be that easy huh? Levi keeps eye contact. It was fine. He knew Eren better than anyone on this whole fucking planet. Time to change tactics.

“Eren.” He starts softly, in a voice that is usually reserved for times when it’s just the two of them. No way would he give Hange more material for her shipping fantasy, but she wasn’t here now and these idiots wouldn’t be here much longer either. 

“Come here. Come to me.” He raises a hand and crooks a finger, beckoning and the response is instant. Ryan falls to the floor sputtering and Eren is in his space, tears already trailing down his cheeks like they always do because Eren hates this, he hates himself and Levi can understand that feeling. It was the most horrible and personal thing they shared together and it bonded them tighter than fucking anything else. 

“It’s okay. Good boy.” He whispers just to Eren, rubbing his cheeks, wiping away the tears even though more flowed soon after. 

When transformed, Eren grows a few more inches so he’s towering over Levi now with his head bowed, mouth slightly open to accommodate the growth of his upper and lower canines. Monster is what everyone would classify him as aside from their little group. Repulsive, hideous, an abomination. Levi doesn’t see it at all. He just sees an awkward teenager who got the shit end of a stick early in life and had to fucking figure out how to live afterwards. He sees a strong, caring boy that is too stubborn for his own good but would die for his friends in a heartbeat. 

“C’mere brat. Relax okay? I’m starving and haven’t had my tea yet.” A low rumble sounds from Eren’s throat as he leans in, burying his face in Levi’s neck. He breathes deeply in and out just like they practiced. Hange had made a handful of sedative shots but they were hard to make and Levi didn’t want to waste them. 

It was by fucking weird chance that they discovered Eren could calm down this way. It was probably Levi’s breaking point honestly. Eren had always been clingy to him but still kept to Levi’s boundaries because, at the time, he had not been a touchy feely person. Not to anyone. And he still isn’t. Except for Eren. But then one day they were sparring and Eren was getting more frustrated than usual. He was impatient and angry that he couldn’t land a hit on Levi. He later found out that Eren had been bottling that shit up for a while. He felt inadequate, unfit to be Levi’s partner. And it all came rushing to the surface that day. He transformed and swung at Levi, a claw catching his cheek before he could react fast enough. 

Levi was going to thrash him for being so stupid but then he noticed the fucking tears. Transformed, Eren could clear out twenty armed men on his own and here he was fucking crying over a small scrape. 

Something happened to him that day. He felt something, like a pull, a familiar feeling like deja vu wash over him, just like that first day, and his feet had moved on their own again. He yanked Eren’s head down to his neck and held him there, smoothing his hair out like you would when consoling a child. 

Things had changed after that. Between him and Eren. The brat meant a lot to him even if he would never say it out loud. Eren knew. Well, he fucking hoped Eren knew. 

Eren sobs against his neck and his body slowly shrinks back to its normal size but Levi doesn’t let him go. Not again. This separate barracks shit was fucking done. He would threaten to quit if the brass didn’t let Eren stay with him. 

Levi looks over Eren’s shoulder to the group of shell-shocked soldiers. Ryan is still on the floor, pants wet, and Levi scowls. Nasty little fucker. “So. Please enlighten me as to what the FUCK happened here?” The group visibly flinch at his tone but no one speaks. Eren nuzzles his neck once more before turning in his arms, tired red rimmed eyes gazing at Ryan. 

“Give it back.” He says softly, body trembling, still angry even now. Ryan shudders under that gaze but manages to obey, pulling out something and tossing it over. Eren catches it easily and turns back to Levi holding the wrist cuff, the gift Levi had bought him, tightly in his hand. Eren always took it with him everywhere. 

Levi sighs heavily. “Really? I could’ve bought you another one you stupid brat.” But Eren is already shaking his head, anger flashing in his eyes again. Oh, so there was more? Well, he’ll have Eren explain later. He wasn’t joking about not having tea yet and it was seriously grating on his nerves. 

“All of you will meet me in the commanders’ room tomorrow morning after breakfast for your punishment. Until then, you will not leave this room unless it’s for chow or toilet. Does anyone not fucking understand?” No one moves. “Good. Eren, pack your shit.” Eren moves immediately to obey. Such a good fucking kid. 

They are walking towards the officers barracks five minutes later and Levi is already formulating his argument to make sure Eren isn’t harassed again. Because that’s what it was. Plain old bullying except they picked the wrong guy to mess with. 

Eren is quiet beside him but he lets it go. The kid was an overthinker sometimes. He’d set him straight again and as many times as he needed to. Eren deserved to live a normal life just like anyone else. 

XXX

“I’m going to talk to Erwin. Just stay here. I’ll be back in a minute.” Levi says from the doorway to his room. Eren watches him go silently. He wanted to yell at him to stay but what good would that do? He had fucked up, big time, and now Levi had to clean up his mess. 

He tosses his bag and slumps to the floor against Levi’s bed. The room wasn’t big by any means but it was private. No one but Levi had access. 

“Sanctuary.” He whispers to no one and is pleased by the silence. He knew Levi was going to grill him on the events. He needed to prepare but fuck, just remembering it made his teeth ache. He wanted to rip into that Ryan guy. That fucker who stole his wrist cuff, who said those things about Levi. He rubs his face trying to stay calm and small claws rack down his cheeks startling him. Fuck. He needed to get in control. 

Ryans words ricochet around his mind.  _ “I bet Captain Levi loves being in control eh Eren? Or wait, he’s so short so maybe you are the one topping? Which is it? Who is the bitch--” _

Yep. That was when he saw red. He groans and rolls to his side, head hitting the bed sheets with a thump. 

Ryan was just trying to get a rise out of him and he’d been spot on with his topic. Probably why the guy had watched him so closely the last few months. And Eren had fallen for it so easily. Levi would be so disappointed. 

He breathes in deeply trying to calm down and that’s when Levi’s scent hits him. Ah. His bed sheets. He sniffs again and groans, missing their home, missing waking up to Levi hugging him. His body pressing against Eren’s back.

He shoots up, eyes wide. No. No. NO. That is not okay to think about. Fuck Eren. You swore to forget about that. Steam rises from his cheeks as he focuses on healing instead. Anything but that. 

The door opens then and Levi walks in quickly, closing it just as fast. “Alright so--Shit Eren what the hell happened? I was gone for like 5 minutes!” Eren blinks in confusion as Levi pulls a clean cloth from his locker and kneels in front of him. Levi starts wiping blood from his cheeks and he flushes. Real smooth Eren. Way to be a dependable partner. Can’t even hide your own fuck up correctly. 

It wasn’t just that though. Lately he has been acutely aware of Levi’s presence and how he reacted to it. He wanted to just blame teenage hormones because, shit, who wouldn’t be attracted to Levi? But he knew it was more than that and having Levi so close to him was devastating to his heart. He closes his eyes, hoping that not seeing the man’s face so close would help but no, now he’s just hyper focused on his hands, one cleaning his cheek and the other casually resting on the side of his head, holding him in place. His skin burned at that touch. 

“C-Captain--”

“Don’t call me that here. Fuck, I hate that title. Also, did you have to smear blood on my fucking sheets?”

Eren chuckles, the tension leaving him immediately. Levi was still Levi. Eren wouldn’t ruin their relationship for anything. 

And besides, he didn’t have long to live. No point in pursuing something like...love or relationships. 

“Eren?” Levi had stopped washing him. His thumbs stroked Eren’s cheeks. His usually cold grey eyes looked concerned. 

Eren flushes again and looks down. He shouldn’t be thinking about that stuff. The group knew about his shortened life. The result of a fuck ton of drugs mixing in his body. Go figure. They hadn’t talked about it since it was brought up shortly after he had come to Levi’s house. 

“U-um...I’m sorry...for...all that. I…” Tears well up again and his fists clench at his sides. “I really fucked up. I’m a f-failure aren’t I?” His shoulders shake and he feels so fucking pathetic. He hated crying so much but Hange said his emotions ran hot all the time and Levi told him not to bottle anything up. Fuck. He was disobeying Levi again. Bottling up his feelings for the man. He couldn’t do anything right. 

His cheek stings and he squawks in surprise, finally looking up as Levi stops pinching him. “Enough of that, brat.” He then grabs a clean cloth from out of nowhere and starts rubbing away all the snot and tears again. 

“What did they say to make you lose your cool huh?” 

Eren tells him, face crimson and Levi stops cleaning. Eren watches his face. What was that expression? Levi blinks once and then again and then he laughs. He fucking laughs. Normal people would call it a chuckle but for Levi it was full on laughing. Eren stores that sound away in his growing mental cabinet of things he loves about Levi. 

“That? What the fuck? Do they have so much free time that they think about shit like  _ that _ ?” He laughs again and then pulls Eren to his neck. His free hand cradling the back of his head holding him down just like before. 

“Shit. That’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. Hange would be thrilled.” Eren nuzzles closer with a small smile. He was right. It was totally stupid. 

“Don’t worry. Erwin is taking over and you know how effective he is with the brass.” 

“Not as effective as you though.” Eren mumbles and Levi chuckles.

“If we wanted them all dead then yeah I’m your guy but Erwin can smile and charm the pants off anyone.” That was definitely true. Armin could vouch for that. 

His face blazes again, remembering when him and Armin had shared their secrets. It was only a few weeks before they left for Trost Base and Eren had been agonizing over whether to go or not. Armin was such a good friend. Weaseled the truth out of him in no time. That he loved Levi. And then Armin shared that him and Erwin were together. He was envious of that. 

If he had a normal life span would things be different? Would he confess to Levi then? 

He sighs and slumps forward, forgetting he was already almost on top of the man in question. “Oy Eren. You trying to crush me here?” He jolts back to reality, slamming his back against the bedside.

“S-sorry…” He didn’t know what else to say. Couldn’t say it. 

“What else is bothering you? Shit, you look like someone just told you meat disappeared from the planet.” Eren chances a glance up and the concern on Levi’s face makes him hesitate. Maybe he could tell him? Maybe Levi felt the same? 

No. He squashes it. There was no way he could chance it. 

“Nothing. It’s...nothing.” 

A loud banging saves him from further scrutiny and Hange barges in. “Eren! Oh my god how are you? Those fucking assholes I can’t believe--”

“You better have food and tea Four-eyes or else.” Levi cuts in as he stands to meet the brunette. 

“O-oh yes! I got it right here.” Where were those trays even stashed? Eren stands and takes one noting there was a lot more food than what he would normally be allowed to get. 

He offers a small thanks and perches on the edge of Levi’s bed to eat as Levi sets his tray on the small desk opposite his bed and proceeds to give her the rundown of what happened. 

“Oh my GOD! Eren! Eren what did you say? Who tops? Please tell me!” He chokes on the imitation mashed potatoes.

“For fucks sake don’t bring him into your sick fantasies. Kid has enough things to worry about.” Levi growls out but he knows Hange is looking at him, waiting. 

He looks up, face burning again. His skin was going to melt off at this rate. “U-um probably Levi?” 

They both stare at him for what feels like an eternity. Hange looked like she might spontaneously combust, smiling way too wide and looking way too happy. It made Eren smile too seeing her so happy.

But then he looks at Levi and the smile drops immediately. Levi’s expression was completely blank. Nothing. Not even a twitch of his mouth. 

“Eren! Eren! Tell me, what position--” Levi smashes her face into his locker and holds her. 

“Enough of this. I never want to hear you talk about this disgusting shit again to him you got it?” Calm voice Levi was the scariest. Especially when he had just done something violent. 

“B-but!”

“Hange.” Eren had never heard him say her name before. He trembles. Was it really that disgusting? Sure they were both guys but Levi knew about Erwin and Armin and didn’t care. Was it the age difference? Or just Eren in general? He looks forward, towards Levi’s small desk and sees his distorted reflection in Levi’s tea pot. Ugly. Everything about him was wrong. So fucking wrong. 

A throat clears from beyond the doorway and Erwin steps into view, raising a blonde eyebrow at the scene. Levi let's Hange go and turns to Erwin. “Well?” 

“He’s approved to stay with you under the condition that you are personally responsible for him.”

Levi snorts. “Like that’s any different than it already is now.” 

Eren looks at him, at the three in the doorway. Normal. All of them. Levi was pretty much a glorified babysitter for the monster on base. 

He could feel the tears coming again but he stamps it down hard. His mental self rushes around, locking cabinets, locking away those feelings he has for Levi. It was fine. He didn’t need them. He just wanted to be useful to Levi and Levi just wanted his skills. Nothing more. 

It was fine. He could do this one thing. He would be the perfect soldier. He won’t give Levi any reason to hate him. 

It was fine. 

He didn’t sleep that night or the next three nights, stubbornly choosing to sleep on the floor as far from Levi as possible. As far from where he wanted to be as possible. 

After the incident with Hange, Levi had acted normal. No different than he usually did. It was Eren that was being weird. But what else could he fucking do? 

It was easy enough to say he loved Levi months ago. It was just words. But now he was actively imagining it thanks to Ryan and Hange. Kissing, touching...it made his body react in a way he didn’t like. He couldn’t control it no matter how calm he tried to be. He couldn’t let Levi see it. See  _ him _ like this. He’d be...disgusted. 

He curls up tighter on the floor, trying hard not to make any noise less it woke up Levi. He wanted to cry again. He’s wanted to cry since that moment but no, no he locked it away. Locked all that useless shit away. 

He hears sheets rustle behind him and he freezes. “Eren? You awake?” He stops breathing. No, he couldn’t answer. He wanted to do and say so many stupid things in that moment. Talking was not a good idea. 

More rustling and then a hand touches his shoulder. He flinches so hard it startles both of them. 

Levi is the first to recover. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to startle you.”

Eren can’t talk. No no no. 

“I noticed you looked pale earlier. Are you getting enough sleep?” Eren nods, curling in tighter, fighting the tears. 

Levi is quiet for a long time and it was killing Eren. What expression does he have right now? What’s he thinking? But he can’t turn around. He needed to be strong. He needed to be  _ useful _ . Not a fucking crybaby. 

“Alright then.” And that was it. He hears Levi get back into bed and then there’s silence for the rest of the night. 

The next day they were standing in front of a brand new group of soldiers. Levi had the other group transferred to a different base. Eren was even more awed by his power. He could literally do anything. 

“Alright shut up.” Levi barks and the group promptly obeys. Some eyes strayed to Eren but for the most part they stared straight forward. 

“I am Captain Levi and this is Eren. Now I’ll go over the layout--”

“U-um! Sir?” Eren’s eyes widen as a brunette girl raises her hand. What was her name? Sasha?

“Seriously? I barely fucking started. What is it?”

“Why is he wearing that mask?” She openly points to Eren and he looks away, too tired to play the tough guy act. 

Levi takes a moment before answering. “Because when he smells blood he gets excited and starts slaughtering anyone in his sight. Does that satisfy your shitty ass question? Can we fucking move on now?” The group bursts into frantic murmurs and Eren shrinks into himself, wishing he could just die right there and be done with this humiliation. 

“Oh also, if anyone has a problem with that then you have till dinner to transfer. I won’t tolerate disorganization. I’m sure you’ve heard rumors of the last group. They are all true.” He continues on with explaining the base layout without waiting for a response and Eren can’t help but stare at him. Levi really didn’t care about his other side. Well of course not. Don’t be stupid. Eren was a strong fighter transformed. Of course Levi would want that. 

He looks back down. It wasn’t because he was Eren. It was because he was strong and skilled. That was the only reason Levi liked him. 

XXX

Okay so Levi definitely wasn’t the smartest person when it came to people’s feelings. In fact, he’d rather avoid getting involved at all but this was Eren. And fucking Eren was definitely avoiding him. Had been for almost a month. It took him a couple weeks to realize that no, it wasn’t coincidence that Eren never looked at him or even talked to him. It was intentional and it took him a few more days to pinpoint when it started but so much shit happened that day that he didn’t know what specifically caused this change in him. 

It was driving him up a fucking wall. Bat shit crazy is what Hange called him yesterday. You look bat shit fucking crazy. Thanks fucking Four-eyes. 

He thought it was just Eren being moody over the wrist cuff. Thought it would pass. But then he went to grab the brat’s arm one day and he flinched so hard that Levi’s fucking heart seized up. Did he have a heart problem? Maybe. Wouldn’t surprise him. But it only happened around Eren. 

He should’ve gotten a clue the first night when the kid didn’t immediately jump into bed. He’s been sleeping on the fucking floor for four weeks. Why? They never did that before. But Levi being Levi, he didn’t say anything. He wasn’t going to try and coax the brat to sleep with him even though he always slept better with Eren next to him. He wasn’t like that. 

But now, as they got ready to set off on their next mission, Levi was worried. Eren was pale. Dark circles under his eyes, eyes that haven’t met his in weeks except when absolutely necessary. 

Levi thought the new team would cheer the brat up. They were all weirdos and actually liked Eren. They were curious about him and excited to see him in action. Eren...he didn’t respond like Levi thought he would. He was nice of course because Levi raised him to have fucking manners. But he never laughed, he never took his mask off anymore either. When he ate it was always alone. 

Something was fucking wrong and Levi didn’t want to go on this mission today. He needed to talk to Eren and get shit straightened out but the kid was already outside with the rest, up too early because Levi knew he wasn’t sleeping worth shit. 

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Maybe he should order Eren to stay back? Give him some alone time to sleep. Assuming Levi was the problem in the first place. 

He knew though. Eren wore his feelings out in the open. He always had. That’s why he wasn’t talking. He was hiding something and it involved Levi. 

He groans, rubbing his thumbs over his temples. He had run circles around this constantly and still had nothing. They needed to talk. But it’d have to wait. Again. 

The soldiers line up as he walks out and Eren stands stiffly in front, eyes forward. Levi passes him without a word and takes his position at the head of the formation. 

“Alright. You’ve all been briefed. After we convoy to the West we will march on foot to the village and liberate the civilians there. The enemy is a Northern mercenary faction. They are more skilled than the army so be on guard. No one is going to die today, do you understand?” His team gives a resounding ‘yes sir’ and he nods. 

“Good. Eren and I will lead. Stick close to your partner and send up a flare if you require immediate aid. Let’s move out.” Eren follows behind the others and Levi watches him. He looked exhausted. He’ll have to keep an extra eye on the brat. Once they were back they were going to talk. 

The drive to their drop off point was quiet. Everyone was nervous. It was their biggest mission since the new team got together but Levi was confident in them. Even Eren seemed more alert now that he had something to focus on. Good. 

They disembark and fall into a wide spread V formation as they enter the forest. The village was about a mile off the road and there was no sign of human contact. Something was off. Hange had dug up info on the mercenaries. They were good. Really good. Too good to not have a fucking lookout when they were so close to a road. 

He hears Eren behind him click off the safety to his rifle. He sensed something ahead. He stops the formation and has the soldiers on the wings fan out to flank the village. He lets out a long breath and looks over his shoulder meeting Eren’s eyes. He nods. Okay, time to get this shit over with. 

They stay crouched in the brush and advance, small homes finally coming into view. He didn’t see anyone. What the fu--

Gun fire to the left breaks out and they charge. 

The mercs were skilled just like Levi thought. He slashes down one and then wrestles with another, both equipped for close combat. The guy was big and he looked hopped up on something. Fuck.

A bullet plants itself in the fuckers head just to the right of Levi’s own and he leaps aside, letting Eren target the one coming up ahead. Even when they were fighting they were perfectly in sync. Wait, were they fighting? Did this count as their first fight? They’ve never disagreed on anything that wasn’t solved right away. 

His blade runs hot through another body and then a blue flare erupts back where they came. 

Medic. “Historia!” He roars and barely hears the answering call before a big man barrels into his side catching him off balance. A bullet clips the guys shoulder and then more fire around him from behind. Eren was advancing, eyes glowing and focused. Shit. He was getting too into this. Thank fuck for that mask or they’d have an even bigger threat on their hands. 

Another blue flare to the East. Shit. His team was good but they were fresh from basic. These guys were definitely pros. He rushes towards the flare, unsure of who else was available to respond. Sasha beats him to Jean who got shot in the shoulder. 

“I got this Captain!” She yells med kit already out. Connie is covering her too so he leaves them there. He needed to get back to Eren. 

The middle of the village was a bloodied shitshow. Bodies everywhere but thank god none of his own. Eren is there. Standing in the middle of the massacre chest heaving. His rifle was on the ground, barrel smoking. 

“Eren!” He calls and thank fuck Eren looks at him. He approaches, relief flooding his whole body and it was stupid. So stupid of him. 

Eren hears them before he does and he’s suddenly pushed to the ground as gun fire erupts from further in the forest. 

He struggles to get up but Eren is on top of him shaking. A low growl rumbles in his chest as he looks at Levi and then at the direction of fire. Before Levi can tell him to stop he’s standing. Blood soaks through the side of his uniform where the bullet pierced straight through him. 

“Captain!” He looks to the forest fringe to see Sasha and the others. Good they had reorganized everyone. Now they just needed to fall back and plan. But then he notices she’s not looking at him. She’s looking beyond and he follows her gaze to Eren who was ripping his mask off already half transformed. 

“Shit! Everyone get back. Fall back immediately!” He yells. 

Eren roars and, with speed unmatched by any normal human, charges towards the reinforcement team of mercs who were just emerging from the woodline. 

He scrambles to get Eren’s rifle only to find the magazine empty and then sees the empty mags scattered just behind him. Fuck. Eren had taken out most of those fuckers by himself. 

Men are shouting and there’s the sickening crunch of bones that even makes Levi feel dizzy. He had the sedative shots in his hip pouch but getting close enough to Eren to inject one was going to be difficult. Hange needed to make a fucking tranq gun or something. 

He ducks behind the outlying buildings and circles to get closer to the fighting. Like hell he was going to leave Eren here by himself. 

Another scream and this time there’s terror. “Shit retreat! Retr--” The man is cut off and Levi watches as Eren pulls his clawed hand out of the man’s chest from behind. He was bleeding bad and not healing himself. Why wasn’t he fucking healing? 

His pale face and dark circles cloud Levi’s vision. He wanted to beat his head against a brick wall. Eren was tired. He didn’t have the energy to fight  _ and _ heal himself. 

No. No way was he going to let that suicidal maniac have his way. Go out in a rush of glory saving his team? Fuck that. Eren was not dying today. 

He lurches out of hiding to slice up one merc who looked ready to run away before jumping on the next closest one. 

Most of them were gone now and Eren’s movements were slowing even though his eyes still glowed. He looks around for someone else to kill and his eyes meet Levi’s. 

He lunges and Levi barely rolls out of the way, hand fumbling for the sedative shot. “Eren! Calm! It’s me Levi!” He shouts but Eren just lunges again, claws catching the fucking hip pouch and scattering the rest of the shots out of reach. For fucks sake. 

Levi was tired. He wanted to go back home. He wanted his bed and wanted Eren sleeping happily next to him again.

The syringe is slippery in his hand from blood and he doesn’t know what to do. He had one shot and Eren was bleeding out right in front of him. 

“Captain!” A yell and it’s enough to take Eren’s attention off him for a second. He grips the syringe tightly and lurches forward, driving it into Eren’s exposed arm. And then said arm sends him flying back into a tree knocking the air out of his lungs.

He gasps, lungs burning, struggling to stand as Eren comes at him again. Fuck. Why wasn’t it working? His vision swims and he vaguely thinks he’s concussed. And then Eren is collapsing, falling and all Levi can think to do is catch him, blinking away the dizziness. Focus. Focus!

Eren’s body shrinks back to normal but no steam rises. He’s not healing. He was shot at least once. There was too much blood to see if it was Eren’s or someone else's. 

A med bag is thrust into his vision and he warily looks up to see his team working on their own to patch Eren up. Reiner lifts Eren off him and Historia and Sasha slash his clothes to better inspect wounds. Levi can only watch wondering if he was going to lose Eren today. They hadn’t talked yet. Eren was still upset at him. If he didn’t get to resolve this issue with Eren before he--

“--ain. Hey Captain. Can you hear me?” Mikasa’s face comes into focus and he shifts in response. No. He couldn’t think like that. He needs to get up. They needed to get back to base. 

He feels Mikasa take one side and his arm is lifted on the other side. Annie. “Thanks.” He mutters, not even caring anymore. All he could do was look at all that fucking blood on Eren. Historia was doing a great job though. Looks like he had the one shot in his side and one in his right shoulder. It wouldn’t even be a big deal if he’d just fucking heal himself. But that was the trick wasn’t it? Normal humans didn’t heal themselves. Levi had gotten lax with Eren  _ because _ he was so skilled and had those special abilities. And now he’s going to die and it was Levi’s fault. 

His vision blurs as they walk away from Eren and this time he doesn’t fight it. 

XXX

It had been a week since that mission. He woke up about two days after and was relieved that no one died. Not even Eren. Though he was still unconscious. But he was alive and that’s what mattered. 

Jean was healing up fine and the other casualty, Ymir, scrapped by with a broken ankle. All in all it was successful. Connie had called the base and another team came to pick them up and recover the villagers. They had been locked in one of the homes but they were all safe. 

Levi had a lot of time to think in that week. Eren needed to go home. He needed a normal life far away from this shit. Levi never wanted him to feel forced to sacrifice himself again because that’s exactly what happened. They hadn’t anticipated a second group. Their ammo had been black with the first wave. Eren had saved their asses. 

Levi wanted to stay with him but of course he couldn’t. Fucking Captain work doesn’t stop because your soldier is in the med bay. He hears about Eren regaining consciousness from Mikasa and then hears that Eren refused to see him. Just him. 

He nods and dismisses her before turning on his heel and heading straight for that fucking brats med bay area. Refused to see him? Seriously? Not fucking happening brat. 

He pushes the frantic nurse out of the way and enters Eren’s room. They had given him one of the few single rooms for privacy but it was probably so he didn’t go berserk and try to kill anyone. 

His mask is gone and Levi makes a note to get him a new one. He’s just lying there looking up at the ceiling, tubes coming out of his arm. All in all he looked okay and that relieved him. 

“Brat.” He says, rougher than he meant to but it was hard to switch between being Captain and being just Levi while in an army facility. 

Eren frowns but doesn’t move otherwise and Levi takes it as acceptance of his presence and moves to stand over the stupid kid. 

“How are you feeling? They treating you okay here?” He nods. 

“Good. So what’s this about not wanting to see me? If you got something to say then say it. You know I don’t do good with those fucking mind games like Erwin and Armin do.” 

“Don’t play dumb.” Eren mumbles, voice scratchy, turning away from Levi. 

“Is it the thing from before? You’ve been avoiding me and don’t even try to deny it.” He’s glad for the private room. He didn’t want to have this talk in front of anyone else. 

Eren’s frown deepens and his fist clench at his sides. “I almost killed you Levi. I was out of control.” Levi expects him to cry but nothing comes. He hadn’t seen much emotion from Eren since that day with Ryan. 

“But you didn’t brat. I’m still here and more importantly  _ you _ are still here.” He sits on the edge of the bed with a curse, running a hand through his hair. 

“I thought you were trying to kill yourself, Eren. I thought I had fucking pissed you off so bad you just said fuck it to everything.” 

Eren turns to him, eyes wide. “No!” He coughs and continues in a lower voice. “No that...that is my fault. It’s my issue. Not yours. I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself and...I-I didn’t know what else to do.” His eyes water and Levi frowns, bending over to rub a thumb over them. 

“If you have an issue then tell me. I’ll help.” He pauses struggling with the words. He wasn’t a feelings talker. But shit he couldn’t just let all this go with his normal ‘whatever brat do what you want’ attitude. “Don’t you trust me? I know being here sucks ass and things are a little different but I’ll still help you no matter what. I don’t care what it is.” He was a sap. A fucking sap. 

Eren shakes his head and he looks even more tired than before. “Not this. I can’t. I…” His eyes close and he breathes in deeply. “Of course I trust you. I trust you with my life. We are partners still right?” 

Partners.

That didn’t describe them at all did it? Not anymore. He looks away, staring straight ahead at the closed door to Eren’s room. What did he say? Of course he was happy that Eren wasn’t mad at him but that didn’t solve the issue now. 

His eyes close and he breathes in and out. Think. Think Levi. He opens them and freezes.

The hospital room is gone. 

He’s outside, in a place he’d never seen before. 

No. That’s not right. He wants to look around but can’t because Eren, a different Eren, is talking to him. He has bright green eyes and tanned skin. No fangs, not scars on his face though it was pinched up at the moment looking anxious. The same expression  _ his _ Eren had just been showing. 

“What is it, Brat?” His voice. He was talking. He sounded exactly the same. “There’s still cleaning to get finished.” 

“I-I know! I um...I wanted to a-ask you something real quick!” Tanned Eren wrings his hands looking around. Other Levi just watches him, waiting patiently even though he had made a point to sound rude. 

“Captain!” A voice from far off calls and Other Levi turns towards a small house that Levi had never seen before. Where the fuck were they?

“Hold your shit for a few minutes. Fuck. You guys are almost adults. Figure out how to use a mop without me coddling you!” He yells in response and Levi vaguely hears a stammered ‘yes sir’ before his attention is back on Eren. 

“Well? I’m afraid Sasha will fucking eat everything in sight if one of us isn’t there to watch her.” He says but makes no move to leave. God. His talking and actions were completely contradictory. 

Tanned Eren doesn’t seem to mind it though. He just nods and drops his hands, taking a deep breath. “What...what do you see me as? What am I to you, Captain?” 

Other Levi frowns, crossing his arms. “Where did that come from? Why are you asking something weird?” 

Eren’s fists clench and he looks away, his ears burning red. “U-um yeah...you are right.” He looks back up and forces a smile. So fake. Both Levi’s think. “It  _ is _ weird huh. Haah.” He laughs and shakes his head.

Other Levi sighs and walks towards Eren, grabbing at the green cloak and straightening it so it sat better around Eren’s shoulders. He was tall here too. “Look, if something is bothering you then tell me. I’ll help if I can, okay?” Other Levi is jolted. This...was exactly like the hospital room. 

He steps back and Eren draws in a shaky breath. “I-it’s really nothing. I’m sorry for bothering you. I’ll go watch Sasha.” He dips his head and then rushes off towards the small house. Levi watches him, watches his cloak billow with a symbol that looked familiar. Wings? 

“Shit.” Other Levi curses and Levi knows how he feels. Other Levi cared about Eren too much for it to be appropriate. They were Captain and soldier and had a job to do. The anguish in Other Levi was palpable. He wanted to tell Eren everything, wanted to touch him and hold him. He didn’t want Eren to die in the near future. He wanted to kidnap him and run away. He wanted to avoid Eren’s inevitable demise regardless of the consequences. But he says nothing and does nothing.

Levi breathes out harshly and he’s back in the hospital room looking up at the ceiling. His face was wet and he’s shaking. “Levi! Fuck, Levi please say something!” He looks over at Eren who’s grabbing his arm and shaking as best he can from the bed. Face full of concern and fear. 

“Eren...what is your natural eye color?”

Eren blinks at the random question. “Green? Like a dark green I think.” Levi nods. Same color. 

He wipes the tears from his face and stands, mind a mess of shit that he can’t compute. Didn’t know how to react to that dream. No. It was too vivid for a dream. He was repeating history. At this rate, Eren would die being the kind person he is to save everyone else. It’d already almost happened. Eren’s life was already cut short from the experiments. 

“I have to go. Get healed. You should have the energy to do it now.” He says coldly and stalks out of the room too ashamed to do anything else. 

That night he dreamt about his death. And Eren’s death. It all came back to him like a fucking hurricane of carnage, regret and loss. Eren died in his arms without knowing how Levi felt and without ever telling Levi what was on his mind. He had left after that. Left everything behind and wandered the world until he finally died from dehydration. Slow and painful. Just like he deserved. 

The next day he wrote to Armin back home telling him to come pick up Eren. He drew the wings symbol, hoping Armin could find some old dusty reference book about it and told him to bring that as well. 

The nurse said Eren was healed but they were keeping him longer ‘just in case’. It worked for Levi. He needed time to think. To figure shit out. His head was a mess of feelings that he had successfully squashed for  _ years _ until that fucking memory brought it all roaring back. 

First, he needed to get Eren home. He knew the kid would fight him on it but this was non-negotiable. Second, he needed information on his last life. Hopefully Armin could deliver. If not, he would just have to take it at face value. No way those were dreams. Levi never dreamt about anything. Third, he needed to tell Eren. And that was going to be the hardest. Tell him about their shared past life, tell him how he’d already fucked things up once and didn’t want to repeat it. Which would smoothly lead into him confessing. Sounded like a barrel full of fun. 

Every night that week he had dreams and by the time Armin arrived Levi was pretty sure he’d re-lived his entire previous life. His shitty ass childhood, Kenny, all his friends dying in front of him. Fuck. Everyone fucking died. What a cluster of a life. Did he really want Eren to know all that? 

A knock at his door and Armin enters with a ratty old book that was in a language he knew but not from this time. “Can you read that?” He asks because of course he remembered Armin from back then. 

Armin looks sheepish for a moment before nodding. 

“You remember then?” 

“Only a little. I remember you, Captain, and Eren. A little of Erwin and Hange and...the end. Eren’s end.” He hands the book over and Levi takes it gingerly. It looked ready to crumble to dust. 

“Then you know why I want Eren to go home and you will help me persuade him?” He asks though it was more of a statement. Armin  _ would _ help and he knew that. 

“Yes sir! I will. I understand your viewpoint...but I know Eren won’t be happy.” 

Levi sighs. “I know.”

And Eren wasn’t happy but he also didn’t say anything. Not a word. He just listened to Levi, his body shook, his eyes glowed for a second, but he never said a word in retaliation. Levi didn’t know how to respond to  _ that _ reaction. Quiet Eren? Never heard of him. 

“Right well, Armin will take you back once you’ve packed. I’ll be home in three months.” And he would stay there. He wasn’t leaving Eren again. He’d leave now if it didn’t mean abandoning his new squad. His contract this time was a year but Erwin would work it out. 

Eren moves to pack, not looking at him and Levi watches him. Armin watches both of them looking troubled. 

XXX

His first month back home Eren didn’t do much. He didn’t leave the house and he barely left his own room to eat. Armin stubbornly forced him to restart his lessons and Eren didn’t have the heart to refuse. What did it matter though? These lessons were pointless. He could feel his body’s expiration date slowly drawing near. The scientists had done that so they could fully utilize him before his end. It was awful knowing how long he had left. 

What was worse was that he remembered. It started in the hospital after Levi had left acting weird. Just a snippet of his childhood in a land he didn’t recognize with a small Armin and Mikasa from Levi’s squad. 

And then when Levi shipped him home he remembered feeling that same helplessness the day he died. He had failed in saving humanity. He didn’t save anyone. His titan powers had given out at the worst possible time and he would’ve been eaten if Levi hadn’t saved him. 

He had been selfish that day. Wanting to fight though he knew his body was weakened. Levi had ordered him to stay back but he disobeyed for the first time in his life. Levi’s face, his pained expression, was the last thing he saw. 

He didn’t want to see that face again. And so he listened to Levi this time and went home. 

When he first came to Levi’s home, his life expectancy was projected to last till he turned 17. But that was wrong. He could feel it. Levi would be home in two months and then another two months he would die a whole year earlier than expected. 

It was better this way though. If he couldn’t fight then he was useless to Levi. He was just a freeloader now. 

They still hadn’t dealt with the Lab but Eren assumed that was off his list of tasks now. He didn’t trust himself to fight with Levi anymore. Not after last time. 

He slumps to the floor in his room, back pressed against the door. Armin was making dinner. Eren wanted to tell him about their shared past life but he didn’t. If Armin didn’t remember then he’d probably think Eren was going crazy. If he did remember then it would just be a sad collection of memories. Their past life was full of sadness and regret. He regretted disobeying Levi. He regretted dying without saying anything. They were repeating history but this time it was okay. He accepted it this time because he didn’t want to burden Levi with any more of his shit. 

“Dinners ready!” He sighs and stands. He just wanted to see Levi again. Just once. Even if he had to leave again. Hell, that’d be even better. Then he could sneak off one night and die alone. 

XXX

Levi returned a week earlier than expected. His left shoulder took a hit from flying debris caused by a shitty handmade explosion. That was the report he had made afterwards. In reality, he had been distracted. 

Staying up most nights, too immersed in reading about Paradis Island. The symbol on Eren’s cloak, the wings of freedom, sent his heart spinning and on impulse he ordered two cloaks to be made with that symbol. Even if they weren’t on that island anymore that symbol still held true to their lives now. It was too early for a birthday gift so he had ordered one for himself too.

He still didn’t know how to deal with telling Eren, if he told him, but time was running out. Armin’s letters confirmed it. Eren was dying. It was too fucking early. He wasn’t even 16 yet. More importantly, Levi wasn’t  _ ready. _

He approaches the house with Hange at his side, talking his ear off about the latest Lab activities. They were getting closer to bringing that place to the light but it wouldn’t be in time. Eren wouldn’t see it and that...that hurt him more than any explosion. 

Armin greets them at the door looking tired and Levi nods to him without stopping. Eren had barricaded himself in his room this last week, unable to calm down, too afraid of hurting Armin. 

He hugs the neatly wrapped package to his chest with his good arm. He would fix this. Eren wasn’t going to live his last months alone. 

He kicks Eren’s bedroom door with his foot. “Eren. Open up.” A growl answers him and he shoots a look to Hange and Armin to stay back. He tucks the package under his arm sling and opens the door. The curtains were open thankfully and Levi sees Eren sitting under the window, hugging his knees tightly with long clawed hands. Gold eyes glow at him from a gaunt face that made his canines look even larger. He really did look awful. Armin’s letters were spot on. 

Eren doesn’t make a move at him so he enters and closes the door. They look at each other for a long time, neither knowing what to say. 

Levi shifts on his feet and clears his throat. He had rehearsed what to say a billion times but now he couldn’t think of the fucking words. Nothing was coming to him. 

He watches Eren look him over and then look at his arm. Right. The package. He pulls it out and tosses it unceremoniously to the kid. Eren catches it easily and stares at it. 

“It’s an early birthday present.” Wait, wasn’t it  _ not  _ supposed to be for his birthday? Ugh whatever. “I got one too. So we match.” God, just shut up. The sappiness was coming out whether he wanted it or not. More importantly, he desperately wanted to close the distance between them. 

Eren holds the package delicately and stands. His eyes looked clear but his body was still large. Still transformed. Then he approaches Levi and touches his sling. 

“Tch. Don’t worry about it. I was careless that’s all.” He says, looking up at the worried face of his stupidly kind brat. 

“Levi is never careless.” The words are garbled from teeth but Levi understands. He sighs and leans back against the door. 

“Yeah well, I was worried about you.” That was the wrong thing to say Levi. 

Eren flinches like he’s been slapped and Levi grabs his arm to keep him from retreating. “That’s not what I meant! I mean, it is but not what you are thinking. Ugh give me a break here kid. I suck at talking about this shit.”

He squeezes Eren’s arm harder pulling him back. “I meant I was thinking about your birthday. It’s coming up right? I got you that but I want you to tell me what else you want.” Because it’s your last one. The unspoken words hang between them. Suffocating. 

Eren shakes his head and looks down at the package. “Well, think about it and let me know tomorrow.” He moves his hand to Eren’s cheek. New scars. Larger than the others. “You gonna calm down? I feel stupid talking to myself this whole time.” Eren growls softly but doesn’t resist when Levi pulls him down to his good shoulder. 

Eren breathes in deeply and his body shudders as if resisting the change. Another side effect that Hange and Armin noted to him. Eren’s body was less under his control and his natural instinct was to transform and kill. Fucking Lab. 

Levi threads his fingers through the brown hair he’s so familiar with. “Good. Good boy. Just relax.” He feels wetness on his collar and sighs in relief that Eren was crying. He was showing emotion. He was still his Eren. 

It felt like an hour goes by before Eren is back to normal size, both hands clutching the package between them, when he raises his head. 

“Good boy. That’s my brat. No fucking scientist drug can get the best of you.” He tousles Eren’s hair and his heart stutters when Eren smiles in return. 

“Of course.” He says, voice raspy but he looks happy at least. 

“Okay now open the damned present so we can go eat.” He was starting to feel unsure about his idea. Eren wouldn’t know what it meant but he hoped the kid would at least humor him this once. 

He wasn’t expecting Eren’s reaction. Eren pulls out the cloak and freezes. His eyes are saucers, mouth agape, staring at the wings of freedom. 

He knew. Eren knew. 

Levi opens the bedroom door leaving Eren to stare. He fumbles with his luggage to pull out his own cloak and marches back, ignoring Hange’s questioning look and Armin’s shocked expression. 

Eren was putting it on when he re-enters and he slings his own over his shoulder and helps straighten out the cloth on his shoulders. Just like back then. 

“Heh. Brings back memories huh Captain?” Eren whispers, tears flowing. 

“I’m not your Captain here.” He finishes and stands back. Not sure what to feel right then. Eren, at least looked happy but also sad and Levi could guess why. 

“Oy. We aren’t done.” Eren wipes the tears hurriedly and grabs the other cloak, flinging it around Levi’s shoulders like he’s done a dozen times before. Levi doesn’t remember how it started but Eren would do this for him in his room before his solo missions. Looking back, it was obvious the kid wanted that alone time with him in case he never came back. Other Levi knew it too. Another of many regrets. 

Eren lets out a shaky breath and rests his forehead against Levi’s. “I’m sorry.” He holds onto Levi’s cloak, hands shaking. “I-I disobeyed you. If it wasn’t for me…” His stupidly big body shakes and Levi pinches his cheek to get his eyes to open. 

“I shouldn’t have made you stay back. You could’ve still fought as a Scout. I was being selfish.” He was trying to keep Eren alive. “You were angry and got careless. It was my fault, not yours.” Now. He needed to tell him now. 

“Also--”

“Leviiii are you done yet? I wanna see Eren!” Hange yells from the kitchen and he hears a heavy sigh from the hallway. Armin must’ve been keeping her away. Too bad she still had a fucking mouth. 

Eren pulls back with a chuckle. He didn’t look as sad now but his smile didn’t reach his eyes. “I’ll tell you later.” Levi says with a sigh, reaching up to tousle Eren’s hair again. 

That night him and Eren told the others about Paradis Island. Erwin joined halfway through and they started over giving Hange more time to fire off questions until she was blue in the face. He made sure to sit close to Eren the whole night and Eren, though surprised at first, accepted it and he looked happier with each passing hour. 

Nine weeks. He had nine weeks to make up for two lives now. 

Eren slept with him that night, or more like early the next morning. Shitty eyes would not shut up. She hadn’t changed at all. Him and Eren fall asleep almost instantly and when he wakes to a high sun he feels refreshed. Eren is sprawled across his chest, arm and leg thrown over him clinging like a cute ass octopus and he just lays there, not wanting to move. 

He must’ve fallen back to sleep because when he wakes again, big gold eyes are looking down at him and his cheek tingles for some reason. He wanted to wake up to this view every morning for the rest of his life. 

“Mornin brat.” 

Eren smiles and Levi realizes they slept in their cloaks. “I made tea.” Thank fuck for his brat. 

“You still remember how to make it?” He jabs and Eren huffs, getting off the bed. 

“Taste it and find out.”

Of course it was perfect and Eren knew it. Little shit. 

Erwin had returned to Trost Base and Hange and Armin were still sleeping off the late night talk. It was just the two of them. 

“So what do you want for your birthday?” Eren chokes on his tea, his face flushing. That was an odd reaction. 

Levi watches him closely. He wouldn’t make the same mistakes again. “It can be anything. Anything you want.” Please. 

“I-I’m not sure...there’s really not anything--”

“Stop. Don’t lie.” Eren freezes, eyes staring down at the table. 

They sit in silence and Levi watches Eren struggle. What was it? He obviously wanted something. 

“C-can it wait? Till later?”

They didn’t have a lot of time. If it was difficult to get… “It’s not something you have to buy. It’s…” Eren groans and scrapes growing claws along the table. “It’s difficult to ask for it. So can you wait a little longer? Please?” 

Like Levi could say no to  _ that _ . “Fine. If you stop ruining my fucking table, idiot.” He sips his tea, happy that Eren could tell when he was joking and when he was actually upset. 

“It’s an ugly table anyway.” The brat mutters, ears still red. 

Fuck he was cute. 

XXX

“Levi! Look! Look!” He was looking. Couldn’t take his eyes off the kid as he leapt up onto the horse with practiced ease. 

“Yeah I see. Not bad.” Three weeks left and they had done a myriad of things. Anything and everything Eren could think of. A lot of it was things from their past life that he wanted to relive for a reason Levi didn’t know. Horseback riding was one of them. 

Eren trots the horse around the training ground, his Scouts cloak billowing lightly behind him. It was getting harder for Eren to get up and about. His body was weakening more each day but he still smiled at Levi like he was the happiest kid in the world. 

Fate was a cruel bitch. 

Eren dismounts after another lap and they thank the stablehand who thankfully didn’t flinch at shaking Eren’s hand. 

“How are you feeling brat?” They walk back to the car slowly. He could tell Eren was tired and he hated it. He hated everything about their situation. Eren didn’t fucking deserve this fate. Not again. But it didn’t matter what he thought. 

The days still came and went. Eren still hadn’t told him what he wanted. What he  _ really  _ wanted. 

“Oy. You listening?” He grabs Eren’s hand and squeezes. Something he’d just started doing this last week. 

“Mmm. Yeah...sorry. I’m…” Eren blinks at him sleepily but returns the squeeze like he always did. 

“C’mon. Armin probably has a snack waiting for us.” They pile in the car and the driver pulls away from the stable. Eren slumps against him instantly asleep. Levi looks down at him, mind in turmoil. 

He fucking hated this. 

XXX

It happened suddenly one night. Eren hadn’t been able to get out of bed much the last two days. His muscles had deteriorated rapidly.

He wakes with a start, rousing Levi next to him, and screams. 

It felt like all his organs were collapsing at once. He curls in on himself willing it to stop. He didn’t want to die. Not yet. 

“Eren! Eren look at me!” Levi sounded different. He strains to open his eyes but even that hurts. 

“Le...vi…” He coughs and Levi curses as blood comes up instead. “H-hurts…” He coughs again, the sticky mess clogging his throat, suffocating him, so he coughs again. 

“Shit. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.” Panicked. That’s what Levi sounded like. Then hands are in his hair and Levi is lying with him, not caring about the blood. 

The pain subsides for a moment and he focuses on Levi’s face trying to etch the image into his soul so he’ll remember. 

“Good. Good boy.” Levi’s rough hands are so gentle in his hair. He closes his eyes.

“Hey hey none of that. Look at me brat.” 

“Feels...good…” He murmurs.

“Oy...you haven’t told me your birthday wish yet. You have to do that or you can’t go.” His wish? Of course Levi would remember that. The past month has shown Eren how stupid he’d been. How blind he was now and in the past. So blind to not see the signs. 

His heart constricts and he screams again, body shuddering trying to keep him alive but failing. He coughs up too much blood. He needed to tell Levi. Needed to. 

He forces his lungs to work. “K-kiss...I want a k-kiss p-please…” He tries to focus on Levi’s face to see his expression but his vision blurs.

“God dammit Eren. Ask sooner next time.” He thinks too late that he was covered in his own blood but then Levi’s kissing him. Hard. His hands held Eren’s face carefully as he kisses him again and again. Eren tries desperately to respond but he can’t move anymore, can’t speak. 

Levi’s lips feel like salvation. He wanted to apologize for leaving Levi again. For hurting him again. He’d been so afraid of rejection. 

The last thing he feels is Levi’s lips still on his as his heart seizes. 

**Author's Note:**

> For reference images of Eren please read/watch Devils Line. It's an amazing manga/anime and it's where I drew inspiration for Eren's transformation.
> 
> This is pretty much a culmination of all my favorite tropes with some kinks thrown in (ahem, gas masks). Also, I find the idea of Hange shipping them to be hilarious so had to throw that in. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this first part. Please leave kudos/comments. I honestly cried writing the last part but not sure if that's just me or what haha.


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